What I like about this book is it names the problem and provides a solution.  Karyl has been there - in her own life and with her clients, and has worked through the answers.  It's a book that gives hope to a situation which has otherwise seemed untouchable and hopeless. 

She addresses how reluctant women are to name this situation (what?! and go against Mother?!) and how that is the first big (and relieving!) step.  From there, she gives practical advice about how to live with the situation without guilt, remorse, and self-blame.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond ~ Patricia Evans

This is another book I like because it identifies the problem and then offers solutions.  She addresses relationship imbalances from the viewpoint of 'empowering' and 'power over.'  She points out that if you have been in a family situation where 'power over' was the standard, and have moved to a place of 'empowering,' you may still find yourself in (extremely confusing) relationships of 'power over.'  This is because the 'power over' person is NOT about empowering you.  The power over person may be saying they're about empowering you but in action is about dis-empowering you and their actions will not make sense until this is really understood.

The insight here is being able to say 'Yes - this situation IS about power over' instead of continuing to 'think positive thoughts.'  It is empowering to be able to identify what something is and then even more empowering to take steps to remedy it.

Also: The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?: A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go

The Sociopath Next Door ~ Martha Stout

Talk about frightening - Sociopaths are everywhere!  Her statistic is 20-25 per 100 -- that's 1 in 4 or 1 in 5. (!)

OK - now that that's out of the way, most sociopaths are not life-ending.  Most sociopaths are horrid people who sap your life energy right out of you while smiling at you and making you think you're crazy.  Which is why they're dangerous.  Most of them are not into the quick death, just the slow one.  And what's really amazing is they get other people to think you're crazy.

So learn about these folks and stay way away from them.

(PS - yes, there's a belief that most sociopaths are in sales, which I heard about from someone in sales -- because they can push anything on anyone else without remorse! and so I asked someone else I knew in sales and guess what -- he laughed and said 'Yes!'

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder ~ Paul T. Mason. 

This was the first book I ever read about Borderline personality and the hairs stood up on the back of my neck as I read it.  If you want a 'puzzling' relationship, one in which almost nothing makes sense, then a relationship with a Borderline Personality is for you!  And if you want to know where it came from, you probably have no further than home to look.  Once you've been 'accustomed' to this type of personality, having grown up with it courtesy dear Mom or dear Dad, new contacts may easily float beneath your radar until you can learn to recognize what this is.

They are much less optimistic about remedying the situation than above books, but are great about identifying them, and that's an important first step. 

They're also really specific about how to go about ending relationships with someone who has Borderline Personality if you choose to do so.  

The Art of Profiling: Reading People Right the First Time ~ Dan Korem

This is a very usable and useful way of approaching folks.  It takes the mystery out of 'how'd that go wrong?'

In a way, this is nothing more than a binary tree, with some observation.  Which is what the Myers-Briggs classifications are, only this one is a little bit different.  The axis which he chooses are easy to spot and they also help to identify what people are capable of in very practical terms.

This helps to know who is good for doing what, and which folks definitely shouldn't be given certain tasks.

One time someone asked me, 'Why are you classifying people?' and I thought, you know, it's all about understanding people.  There are different drummers out there, and it can be baffling at times why people do what they do.  This is a way of understanding what is going on.

Rage of the Random Actor: Disarming Catastrophic Acts And Restoring Lives ~ Dan Korem

This is a really important concept.  The first part of it is, it is very predictable who will 'go postal.'  The second part of it is, there's a way bring these folks back from the brink.  There's a way to give them a place in society that benefits them and everyone else.

IMO, this is must reading for anyone in the school system!  And it wouldn't hurt us parents to read it, either!