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Bad Parents?  or Really Bad Parents?

Toxic Parents - How do you know?

The answer, you often don't.  

Very often it's a confusing mishmash of 'things don't go well.'  It could be difficulties in relationships, careers, decision making, or depression haunting you.  Often, if you've got toxic parents, you've been taught what they're doing is normal and you're not to question what they do.  

OR -- if you did question it, if you did know, and you started vocalizing your doubts, they doubled down on how they weren't toxic, you were.  Which is another clue that you had toxic parents, that they blame you, the child, for what's going wrong with them, the adults.  

So, here's a quiz, from Susan Forward and her book Toxic Parents.  It can help quell or confirm your suspicions, and if it turns out that you did, indeed, have toxic parents, you can identify this dynamic and can reclaim your life.

 

The Quiz: 

  • When you were a child:
    • Did your parents tell you you were bad or worthless?  Did they call you insulting names?  Did they constantly criticize you?
    • Did your parents use physical pain to discipline you?  Did they beat you with belts, brushes, or other objects?
    • Did your parents get drunk or use drugs?  Did you feel confused, uncomfortable, frightened, hurt, or ashamed by this?
    • Were your your parents severely depressed or unavailable because of emotional difficulties or mental or physical illness?
    • Did you have to take care of your parents because of their problems?
    • Did your parents do anything to you that had to be kept secret? Were you sexually molested in any way?
    • Were you frightened of your parents a great deal of the time?
    • Were you afraid to express anger at your parents?
  • In Your Adult Life:
    • Do you find yourself in destructive or abusive relationships?
    • Do you believe that if you get too close to someone, they will hurt and/or abandon you?
    • Do you expect the worst from people? From life in general?
    • Do you have a hard time knowing who you are, what you feel, and what you want?
    • Are you afraid that if people knew the real you, they wouldn't like you?
    • Do you feel anxious when you're successful and frightened that someone will find out you're a fraud?
    • Do you get angry or sad for no apparent reason?
    • Are you a perfectionist?
    • Is it difficult for you to relax or have a good time?
    • Despite your best intentions, do you find yourself behaving 'just like your parents'?
  • In Your Relationship with Your Parents as an Adult:
    • Do your parents still treat you as if you were a child?
    • Are many of your major life decisions based upon whether your parents would approve?
    • Do you have intense emotional or physical reactions after you spend or anticipate spending time with your parents?
    • Are you afraid to disagree with your parents?
    • Do your parents manipulate you with threats or guilt?
    • Do your parents manipulate you with money?
    • Do you feel responsible for how your parents feel? If they're unhappy, do you feel it's your fault? Is it your job to make it better for them?
    • Do you believe that no matter what you do, it's never good enough for your parents?
    • Do you believe that someday, somehow, your parents are going to change for the better?

If you answered yes to even one-third of these questions, there is a great deal in this book that can help you.

 

The benefit: In some ways, it's easier to leave sleeping dogs alone; just don't rock the boat.  On the other hand, toxic parenting seeps into every aspect of a person's life, creating confusion and rage.  If you had toxic parenting, getting out from under it is a life changer -- for the better!

I'm also convinced that as a society we're inadvertently perpetuating toxic parenting, confusing toxic parenting with stern, righteous parenting.  I very often hear folks say things that are patently the result of toxic parenting followed up with, 'And I'm just fine!'

A great deal of energy goes into maintaining the facade of 'I'm just fine.'  

If you have any doubts, know that you can find a way through it that doesn't involve vilifying your parents.  It does involve becoming your own person, though! 

at openlibrary.org or 

 

 

  

Lynn

 

Reiki Master since 1997
 Certified Resonance Repatterning Practitioner since 1997

 

02/28/18

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I love books! These top three books help explain some about Resonance Repatterning® and PSYCH-KTM.  I've linked into Amazon for convenience.  (ha)  I used to have an 'a-store;' those are gone now!  And so are my reviews of things.  If you go to the Old Favorites links, the info is old but there are some reviews there.   When you are interested in getting a book, a lot of these are available at  https://openlibrary.org/.

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