Disclaimer:
This is my musing. I haven't seen
anyone else say this is what's going on
and I'm also not trying to say it's true
-- nor am I trying to take credit
for someone else's discovery.
These are just random(ish) thoughts.
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So my little rant is basically about Random Actors because they
don't seem to get much done and they blame other folks for their
lack of productivity, sometimes rather dramatically-- but then
I also feel bad for these folks and I can see how there may be
forces at work beyond their control. Like, for real.
Of course, in my worldview, that doesn't mean you don't storm city hall
anyway. Just because it looks like the solution is
impossible, that's no reason not to go for it anyway. Who
cares if the problem is unsolvable - solve it anyway! But
that's not what Random Actors do.
Why is that?
It's because they don't feel competent. They want to feel
competent, they want to feel special, they want to be all that -
to be heard, to be adored. But it's not happening for them.
And the theory is that it's the "with-it Dad" / "Authority figure"
that should impart this message to kids.
If the " with-it Dad" / " Authority figure"
is not around, chances are, this isn't happening.
Chances are, this kid has been hung out to dry. And how can
that be their fault? (Hint: it's not!)
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And if, indeed,
becoming a Random Actor has something to do with the presence of a good father figure,
then we do have some horrid
statistics to show how bad the draw is for these kids:
- 43% of US children live without their father [US Department of
Census]
That means that 43% of the US children are at risk for being part
of these statistics:
- 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes.
[US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
- 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from
fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behaviour, Vol 14,
pp. 403-26, 1978]
- 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of
Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]
- 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S.,
Bureau of the Census]
- 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from
fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]
- 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother.
[Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today,
January, 1985, p. 28]
- 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.
[National Principals Association Report on the State of High
Schools]
- 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from
fatherless homes. [Rainbows f for all God’s Children]
- 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father.
[US Department of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988]
- 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton
County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections,
1992]
- Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of
high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more
likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US
D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]
These stats don't talk about when (ie what age for the child) the father has left the home, but
I heard from my son that most of his classmates had parents that were
divorced. Of the students I taught from college, none of
them had parents that were still together. Oh, wait - one couple
was still together. That's like 1 out of 20.
So basically kids are having to wing this on their own. They
are not getting help on the home front.
Now, perhaps you're saying, "I didn't have a Dad and I'm not a
kook!" And I have to say, "You've beat the odds!
You've won!" But for some of the others, starting behind the eight ball and
being asked to, basically, pull a rabbit out of the hat, will be too
much.
And the big message - it's not just these kids that suffer.
The rest of society suffers, too, trying to mop up.
Where does that leave us in the day to day interactions with other
folks?
In Dan Korem's book, you can learn how to identify who might have
gone the route of the Random Actor and he has tips for how to build
them up and bring them back from the brink of violent explosion.
They're equally useful for folks who aren't that extreme, too.
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